Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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