do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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