You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize