Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
