Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
