God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
