Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
In America we eat man semen.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
