Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
