Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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