Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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