i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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