so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
