i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
