You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
