I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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