that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize