I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
