Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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