I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
