McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
