the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
