you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
