I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think my fart just growled at me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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