My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I look better un-naked...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
how does that bad decision feel?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
