My nipple is on Facebook.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
