i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
