His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
