i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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