I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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