I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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