marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Sober January is a disaster.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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