im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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