The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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