none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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