I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
