i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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