I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
