I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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