apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
