Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize