All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
