Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
