I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
