would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
