I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
