Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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