Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Let's paint friendship bongs
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
