His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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