Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize