put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
