he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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