physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
