Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
