i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize