There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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