Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
