I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
