were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Someone came in the potted fern
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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