Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
