so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
