Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
