Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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