We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
