Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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