Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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