listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
