white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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