And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
