I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
