she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
