He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
