You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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