I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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