NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize