dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it because I queefed?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
