we have pet lesbian snakes
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
