i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
