from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
