Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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