so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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