the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
