Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
