and next time when you feel me up, do it right
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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