hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Randomize
