Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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