I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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