Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
